6 Pound Baby

I'm starting to get antsy. I want this baby to come out! Everyone has warned me that the last month is the hardest because you are in the most anticipation. Welp, I definitely feel that.

I'm also frustrated that I can't do normal things. Every day things are so dang hard! Making dinner, cleaning, bending over, shaving my legs, clipping my toenails, putting on my shoes, rolling over, getting off the couch, taking the dog for a walk, going out to do things...... ahhhh!!! I'm starting to go crazy. But, just in time because he is about to be here anyway and pretty soon all the pregnancy discomforts will be gone... and he'll be in my arms. I've just never been so excited to work out in my life. To go for a run, or to do some jumping jacks.... heck, just to even walk around the mall. My feet have been swelling like crazy. My midwife says that they're really not that bad and she's seen a lot worse... but yesterday, they were totally cankles. All I could do was laugh about it though.

Went to the midwife yesterday. Baby is still doing well. She estimates that he is about 6 pounds right now and will probably be in the 8 pound range by the time he comes (assuming he comes at 40 weeks). I was really surprised... but, considering I was 8lbs 7oz, I guess I really shouldn't be. She said that it is a really good thing because that is a very healthy weight. She also said that "bigger" babies aren't any more difficult to deliver. Whew. That's a relief. I just can't believe he's a 6 pound baby right now. I mean, 6 pound babies are born into the world all the time healthily. He is a full grown baby. Craziness.

Also, with the whole hiccuping a thousand times a day... I found out that it just means that he's practicing his breathing. He will "inhale" the fluid and swallow it and when he gets hiccups it is strengthening his diaphragm. He's gonna have nice healthy lungs when he comes out.

The midwife also said that it looks like he has dropped into the pelvis. I'm really excited about this because it means that we're that much closer to meeting him. I knew he had dropped in the past week because all of a sudden I felt tons of pressure and like I have to pee every 5 seconds (even if nothing comes out). I thought I had a go a lot before.... now it's ridiculous.

All I can say at this point is.... I am REALLY READY to have this baby. That doesn't at all mean that I am miserable, because I'm not. I actually didn't expect to feel this good in my 9th month of pregnancy. BUT, I am totally excited to not only finally have him here, but to have my body back too and to not feel like a couch bum anymore. I really don't have the energy to do anything anymore.... and I definitely couldn't if I wanted to without my feet swelling like balloons. So, the Lord is teaching me patience in this season. Just to be still.

One of our prayers is that the Lord would bring Cai RIGHT when he's ready and healthy to. So, even if it's 2 weeks early... that would ROCK. And we will also be confident that if he is late, that is also because he is not ready yet. We are confident in the Lord's plan.

Please be praying for strength and patience over me... and for a healthy little boy to keep growing how he is supposed to. :)

Welcome To Cai's Room

The little guy's room is officially done. Well, we still have 4 frames to hang and put pictures in on one wall... but, besides that, it's done.

Take a peek :)

Pic from the doorway. New dark grey curtains from Ikea, new changing table, chair from craigslist, lamp from Ikea, owl picture from goodwill, rug from Ikea.

Can't wait to sit here with him.

His changing table. Diapers, clothes, towels, bibs, etc.

View of the new freshly painted yellow wall, his Ikea crib, the cool decor in the corner that my sister gave me.

The crib and the cute stuff above it.

Closet and ipod deck with non-stop worship playing :)

Just got those the other day from goodwill. Painted the birdhouse, vase, and sticks (from outside). We picked out some matching books there too.

Owl painted from goodwill and frame from there as well that I painted (no picture in there yet)

All the cute decor. I love that my sister's painting is the focal point :)

His white crib with the blanket that my grandma Moggie made before she passed away.

His outfit that we'll be taking him home from the hospital in. So crazy that I'll have a baby in those soon!

35 Weeks

36 days. 5 weeks, 1 day. That is how much time I have until my baby boy's due date. Craziness I tell ya. Can't believe he is almost here. I know I say that every time, but seriously. Time is flying. The month of October felt like it came and went, literally. I feel like yesterday was October 1st. Here I am at the end and thinking about how November is my last month of pregnancy. Tomorrow will mark my 35 weeks of pregnancy and I can't wait to get to 37 weeks to know that he can healthily come into the world whenever he pleases!!

Anyway, now that I got my shock out of the way, I will tell you about baby Cai.
First and foremost, this child is like a hiccup machine. I mean, it could be his full time job. Well, right now it is. But, ever since he switched to the birth position upside down, it is like hiccups every 2 hours or so. They are so cute and precious, and I can just picture him in there. Just knowing that about 10 weeks ago (when we had our 3d sonogram) he was smiling and making facial expressions (like the pic below)... I can only imagine what he does now. Oh this child melts me already.


We had our 2nd appointment the other day with our new midwives. Although our appointment was at 4:30 and we didn't get in until 6, it was totally worth it. These women are so sweet and down to earth. Ideal situation for someone taking care of you. They act like friends, really. These women are literally bombarded with new patients every day. They are so popular in Atlanta (because people are starting to take control of their births, thank goodness) so they are overwhelmed. But, that's a good thing! Anyway, everything is good with the baby. No high blood pressure, nothing. Just uneventful... and thankful for that!

The past week or so I have finally been experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions. It's crazy to know that my body is getting ready for labor. One day, they lasted all day long. Not fun. The worst was yesterday when I was taking Gibson on a walk, and on my way back I got one of those ligament pains REALLY bad on my side. I could barely walk. I finally made it up the stairs and plopped on the couch while Will looked at me all confused. He tried pushing on the baby to move it and lifting my legs to get the baby out of a weird position. It actually helped, but wow, I hope I don't get many more of those!

Will and I also went to this mandatory 2 hour water birth class at the hospital. I guess, because it's a hospital, they require it so you know everything about it. The lady teaching it has been a L&D nurse for 18 years and is super knowledgeable about natural birth and is passionate about it. It was nice to hear that all of the nurses we will have are going to love being there... they won't look at me like "is she crazy??". They are used to it and enjoy it. Anyway, the class was actually super informative and I'm glad we learned everything there is to know. Apparently water birth has been around for a LONG time... it was first recorded in medical journals in 1800 and it was around even before then. They described how it's actually a very natural thing to want to do. They call it the midwife's epidural because it takes to much stress and pain off of your body. When I get to the hospital, the nurses will only monitor me for the first 30 minutes, and then after that I am free to walk around or do whatever I want. It's awesome. They suggest not getting into the water until you're 5cm or more because it relaxes your body so much it can slow down labor. So, I'm going to try to tough it out at home as long as possible and go in when I feel like I'm in tough labor. The nurses won't monitor me unless they see signs to need to. They'll let me do my thing. Also, once the baby is born, it will probably be tough for me to catch the baby being in the water so they said that the dad gets to catch the baby. It made me want to cry just thinking about it. Then, while I'm getting out of the tub and doing all the after birth stuff, they said that they let the dads take the baby to the heat warmer and clean them off and wrap them up. How precious. Will is super excited about that!! What a great bonding time. I just LOVE our midwives, nurses, and hospital. Will and I say over and over again how BLESSED we are to have found them. We really feel like they are doing things God's way (even if they're not Christians). I still believe that this is how God intends childbirth to be. I am so at rest that the first decisions I get to make regarding the overall health of my baby are good ones. I won't be affecting him with medications and stressing him out with induction. Childbirth is already stressful enough on that poor baby... I am just so at peace knowing that he can come how he wants to come with no one making him do otherwise (unless he's in danger of course).

As for me, I am feeling great still. I think I don't realize how big my belly is most of the time. My belly is the least of my discomforts... it actually doesn't feel that big (I know it LOOKS humongous). I really don't have back pain. I also have been sleeping just fine, which has been awesome. Ever since he turned upside down I can lay more comfortably on my side without squishing him. He is also big enough now that he doesn't do as many huge movements... they're just him sticking his butt out or a foot or something. So that makes it a little easier. I don't think that he has ever sit very high on me, so I can usually breathe fine thankfully. He is to the point where his feet are constantly right at my ribs, so there's the occasional shock when I get a huge kick to my bones. But, I am even thankful for those, because I know he's healthy :) I am even learning to embrace the swelling if I have to. Pregnancy is such an amazing thing, and I am just going to let it take its course. I truly feel like a balloon sometimes, but who cares! I was actually really proud of myself because at my last doc appointment I only gained 3 pounds in 3 weeks, which is exactly what I should have done. YAY.

Today we are going to finish up his nursery, hopefully. We just have to grab more paint. I can't wait to post pictures... it is looking so cute in there. We are also going to run to the store and get all of the hospital bag things that we need. With natural childbirth, there's a lot of extra things that they recommend getting. My midwife even told me to pack a bunch of food just in case I want to eat during labor. How cool (and unheard of) is that? No IV for me!! Woo hoo. I already have the baby's bag packed, which was easy. But the bag for me is kinda a huge list. So... it will be fun to work on that. Gotta be prepared just in case he chooses to make his arrival in a couple weeks!

Will and I are still REALLY enjoying our new church. Last week we taught kids church, which was so awesome. We love being involved in kids ministry knowing that our child will be there soon. We really value it. It's getting harder for me to get involved considering that I can't stand up for very long without my feet throbbing. Next weekend will be mine and Will's first time leading worship at Bethel. We are so excited. Even though I'll only be 4 weeks from birth, I still couldn't wait to be a part of it. Will asked them if I could sit on a stool just in case, and they laughed and said that I could bring a bed if I want. I love our church! So easy going. Last week, they said that they want church to feel like a living room where we invite the most important person in to spend time with us and relax with Him. I love that visual. I think God likes that too :)

Will and I celebrate our 2 year anniversary on November 9th. We went to the Georgia aquarium last week to celebrate part of it because we knew that I wouldn't be comfortable walking around much longer. It is the biggest aquarium in the world. It was soooo awesome seeing God's creations like that up close. I can't believe how fortunate our generation is to be able to see things like that. We got to pet sharks, sting rays, horseshoe crabs, shrimp, etc. It was fun. I didn't take many pictures because I felt huge that day. But oh well. This one is cool and doesn't even partly describe what we saw. These are whale sharks and they were HUGE!!


Anyway, enough for now. I've been typing forever.
Now to go spend time in this chilly fall weather. Georgia is so dang beautiful!!!! Ever since we moved here it's seriously been perfect weather. I love it.

Enjoy your weekends, lovelies :)

All My Beautiful Junk

I have a new obsession. Goodwill. And Craigslist. And garage sales.

Ever since I discovered that you can find some cool things at goodwill if you go in with artsy eyes... I have been hooked. Will has to tell me not to go every week :)

So... I know I should have taken some before pictures of these things, but I completely forgot. Now you get to see the finished products.
I went into goodwill one day, mainly just to look and hope that I find something really cool that I have needed for a long time. When I didn't find any such thing, I looked at their whole "trinkets" aisles. You know... the ones where normal people would say "what is this junk?". Yeah, well, I was in heaven. I LOVE looking at things with new eyes and wonder what I can do to make them fit my home.

Here's some stuff I got. I'll try my best to explain what it looked like... but basically, a lot of this stuff was gosh darn ugly. Seriously like, who would ever buy that?
I spent about $20 total and had so much fun redoing them. I must be in full force nesting mode or something because all I want to do are crafts.

I got these awesome wood box containers for about $1 a piece. They used to be just pure wood with writing on them like "sugar" "flour" etc. Basically, they looked super old and gross. Just a little glossy black spray paint and, voila! Pottery barn look a like.

These are 2 of my favorites. For the baby's room, we are doing an owl type theme. I found this frame with the picture in it for $1. The frame was an ugly wood with no paint or stain. I just painted it black and it looks brand new. Like it came from Anthropolgie or something. And that little white ceramic owl was probably the ugliest of them all. It was yellow and said "Georgia on the bottom" and was apparently a thermometer. I so envisioned painting it a glossy white and making it look like it was brand new. Now I love it and it will fit perfectly for the baby's room.

I got that shelf for $2. It used to just be a wooden shelf with rusted looking metal off of it. I'm telling you... so ugly. I mixed some different paint colors together and came up with a soft orange for the shelf and we spray painted the metal bright glossy white. So this looks brand new too. AND we finally have somewhere to hang some hand towels. Our apartment didn't have them?? So weird. It so beats paying $20 for a new one that doesn't have much character.

Got this little wooden piece for $2. It was just plain wood and looked like it had come out of a Cracker Barrel store. So not my style. BUT... I envisioned some blackish/greyish paint on it and knew we needed a place to hang our keys (since some very cute husband often misplaces them) :) and we LOVE it. A great place for our keys, garage door opener, and Gibson's leash. We thought about putting our mail on there too.

I LOVE this one!! We didn't yet have anything over our bed because we were focusing so much on the other rooms. So our bedroom looked pretty bare. I got these 5 frames for $1 a piece. They were plain wood and the paper in them looked like it came out of the 50s. They were gross. Soooo... I painted each frame with a soft brownish/grey and they look brand new. We headed to Hobby Lobby and picked up some scrapbooking paper, all in the same style and color but different to avoid being matchy. Then, Will did his thing and hung them up perfectly. Sorry, I didn't take a picture of our whole bed or bedroom because I just did 3 loads of laundry and I am in the middle of putting them away.

Here's a close up of some of the frames.

And, as for Craigslist, sometimes it can be hit or miss. People will put up a junky wooden chair that is falling apart for $100 just because they think it is valuable. When, in actuality, it is junk. Well... I have been looking and looking and have been patient with my hunt for a chair for the baby's room. I didn't necessarily want a rocker because I actually don't want the baby to be rocked to sleep. When I nannied, I learned this the hard way when the kids would get addicted to the rocking and wouldn't fall asleep any other way. So, I was looking for a comfortable chair that would be ideal for those late night feedings. Ideally I wanted one with an ottoman where I could put up my feet and fall asleep if I wanted to. I wanted one that supported my back well and my arms since I will be holding the baby and feeding him. Yesterday, I was looking on craigslist again and found this awesome chair for only $100. I was shocked because everything eles I have been looking at for $100 has been so old or worn. And, surprisingly, most people weren't willing to budge on their price. So, I almost settled for an older overstuffed chair for $60 and we were going to reupholster it for fun, but then I came across this beauty. It's only 2 years old, leather, and so comfortable. I snatched it up right away. We brought it home and cleaned it and it looks brand new. I love it!!

We also had our washing machine break the other day (boo!). So we have been on a washing machine hunt ever since. We have checked craigslist but have found that most people only want to sell their washer and dryer as a set or people are ridiculously over-pricing their stuff. PLUS, Atlanta is humongous and it can take 2 hours just to get across the city (at least). So... I was bummed that I really couldn't find anything of good value or in good condition in our area. I saw that there was a garage sale today about 5 minutes away, so I decided to check it out. They had a 2 year old washer (really nice) going for $200 and I asked her if she would take $150. She said fine! We looked it up... this is an $800 washer!!!
So we still have to pick that up....but I am so excited. It is a top loader (our current one is a front loader) and I get so tired of bending down and pulling the twisted clothes out of the washer as they fall on the floor. So I am VERY excited about a top loader.

AND, as for Cai's room... it is coming along but we ran out of paint. SO, I think we will be finishing that this weekend and I will definitely have pictures to post.

Love you all and hope you have an amazing weekend :)

Michelin Girl

Things have been a little nutso around here. Let's just start off by saying that the "leak" from the "ceiling" that we had goin on in our apartment was more like a flood from a broken pipe behind our wall. Lovely. Water all over kitchen and on the other side soaking our carpet. Tear open the wall to find some mold that has been stirring in our house for the past week. Thank goodness the weather has been nice because we just open all our doors and windows all day to keep fresh air flowing through. Although my allergies have been crazy, the doctor said it shouldn't be a big deal and just to stay away from it as much as possible.

Speaking of doctor... we got to meet our new midwives!! Will and I went to their monthly "meet and greet" last night at the hospital. I was literally expecting one, maybe 2, other couples to be there. Nope. Probably 50 people total. It was awesome. The midwives got to talk about themselves and answer any questions. They are SO on the same track as we are with everything we believe. It is so amazing to feel like we won't be pressured into anything we don't want to do. Induction and any other interventions aren't routine. They base everything they do on the baby. So, if the baby is ok... then they just wait it out. They don't even induce if the baby is "late" because they understand that some babies take longer than others ( so, if I'm past the due date, don't ask me when they are going to induce me) :) They take precautions, but once again it's up to the baby. The baby won't be taken from me the entire time I'm there (except for the admission into the hospital and the pediatrician to check him over). But, even then, I am able to go along if I want. Otherwise, they put the baby directly on the heat lamp when he is born which is right next to my bed. They do all tests and checking over right in front of me. And, they don't do anything out of routine... they ask before doing anything. They have birthing tubs if we want to use them (which is great)! I'm not a weirdo for wanting a water birth, I just honestly think it would be way more comfortable to be in water while in labor than on a hard bed in a weird position. So, I plan on doing that... we just have to take a waterbirth class in a couple weeks (by law). One of the midwives has been doing this for 30 years or so and has experience with every type of situation. She is comfortable with whatever is going to make me comfortable. They are both so knowledgeable about everything to do with natural birth, and they are so passionate about it. We feel so blessed to have found them.

The hospital is really nice! We are getting used to the 40 minute drive more and more. It's really pretty easy to get to. The midwives took us on a tour of the L&D floor as well as postpartum. They said that all uneventful births get to leave within 24 hours of delivery, which is nice. Their offices are conveniently right across the road.

We went today for my appointment and the midwife talked to us for about an hour. It was great. She answered all our questions and was so supportive!

Here's the update so far. Little guy is in the head down position facing the right way. This is awesome! Will and I have been praying every day for our list of things that we are believing for for the childbirth and for me and the baby. Such as, healthy, easy labor/delivery, no episiotomy, no interventions, and that the baby would get in the right position at the right time. She had to feel around for a while and couldn't tell exactly, so she did an ultrasound and saw that his head is just where it needs to be. He is locked in until delivery. It's no wonder I have been feeling tons of pressure on my pelvic bone. When I walk it feels like bone is pushing on bone (which, I guess it kind of is). Not comfortable. BUT, so glad that he's getting ready to come. I've also been feeling those little kicks getting right up under my ribs. It's a love/hate relationship with them :) I don't blame him. Sometimes I squish him. Ha.

As for me... my weight is still steadily increasing. I have gained about 34 pounds... and I definitely feel like it. They try to aim for no more than 35 pounds by delivery, but it looks like I'm passing that up. Kinda frustrating because I feel like I've tried just about everything to slow it down, but I think my body knows what it's doing. SO, I'm just along for the ride now. I'm waiting it out and we will see. No need to stress about it. She said sometimes if you don't eat enough protein, it can cause extra water weight. Will and I both laughed because I am not a huge meat person. Unless it's a nice juicy steak, I probably won't eat it. So most of the time I am feeding Will my leftover meat (which is all but about 2 bites). I may try to add more protein in my diet to see if it helps the swelling.

Oh, and by the way... if you notice that a pregnant woman is looking a little puffier than normal.... big tip: DO NOT point it out. I've had so many people say "You look more swollen" or "your face is puffier". REALLY people?? What if I said that to you? Haha.

We officially became Georgia residents yesterday and got our licenses. I was dreading taking that picture because I know I'm swollen and my cheeks look like a chipmunk. But, I sucked it up and did it anyway. I will be changing that picture as soon as we change our addresss. Believe me.

Oh well, it's part of the joy of pregnancy.

At least my baby boy is healthy... even if he is having fun making me swell like a marshmallow.

Oh, and don't expect anymore pictures of me to be posted on the internet while I'm prego. Not only am I rarely dressed up, but I also don't look like myself. So... sorry. Deal with it haha.

(Hence the blog title and picture. This is how I feel).

So, this is what the baby looks like these days at 31 1/2 weeks. At about 18 inches and almost 4 pounds... he's really starting to have cramped living quarters. My stomach is lobsided all the time. So weird looking!

Can't wait to meet him!! (and, as a plus, I can't wait too see my feet again!). So many things to look forward to within the next 8 weeks or so ;)

Let God Burn Your Heart

As I write this, I can't help but cry. My heart is filled with emotion today. Not just over injustice, but over what God's heart is crying over. It's overwhelming!

I have always been passionate about babies. Literally from the time I was 3 (a baby myself), all I wanted was a baby. God had put on my heart at an early age to see the value in them. I grew up loving them even more. I remember a particular conversation I had with my dad driving in the car one time at about the age of 7. He asked me, "what do you want to be when you're older? What makes you really excited?". Without even thinking I sai"d, "babies!". He then went on to help me think of all of the careers that had to do with babies. I grew up wanting to be a baby doctor, until I was in my 2nd year of college. I realized, it's not that I necessarily want to be a doctor... I want to SAVE babies. So, from very early on, God has been refining and burning me from the inside out with HIS passion for babies and children.

Will and I went to The Call in 2007. This was the most monumental point in my entire walk with God. 12 hours of fasting and prayer... and I have never heard God so clearly. So many incredible things were birthed in my heart... and I didn't even realize it until a few weeks after. I was filled with the Holy Spirit during those 12 hours, and immediately after that I felt completely overwhelmed with God's presence. I think I was crying for the last 5 hours of the meeting. Not out of sadness, but I have never been so close to God's physical presence before, that I couldn't help but let my emotions out. They were praying about things on God's heart... like Israel, and prayer, and fasting. But the one that caught my heart the most (it felt like God had caught my heart with a humongous fishing hook and reeled me in) was on the topic of abortion. Before this day, I always KNEW it was wrong... but because I wasn't as in tune with the Holy Spirit and God's heart on the issue, I couldn't truly understand why. I felt so many things... anger towards our world, anger towards the abortion "doctors", anger towards the girls who killed their babies. But God quickly took my mind in a different direction. Love for these lost people, and love for these helpless babies. I walked away from that meeting feeling more physically tired than ever before, but more amped up in my spirit than ever before.

A few weeks later, Kirk Bennett came to speak in our church. Will and I got words over our lives... and he said one particular thing over me. That I would be having dreams from God more often and that they would be during times that I'm half awake and half asleep. I had never had what I considered a "God" dream before. So, I was excited to go on this new venture with the Lord.

A couple nights later, I was in my apartment and had a dream. This was definitely a God dream. I had never experienced anything like it before. I was definitely half awake and half asleep... and, to this day, still don't know if it was reality. In my dream, I was in my room in my bed (this is why I don't know if it was reality or not... I never had a moment of waking up) and I heard whispers. I looked around my room and saw black figures swirling around all around my bed. I have never been so afraid! I kept hearing "you can't have them" ... and, in the spirit, I knew they were talking about abortion. Immediately fearful, I pulled the covers over my head and didn't want to see anymore. I looked out one more time and saw a HUGE flash of the brightest white light I have ever seen. It completely consumed that black figures. And they were gone. Although my spirit had just been stirred like never before, I was also so afraid. I heard God telling me to hurry and get a notebook and write this dream down (which I had never done before). So, I ran out and found some paper and wrote down every detail. I asked God what it meant and He said that, because of my new passion for His heart and against abortion, satan wanted to make me fearful. God said I was going up against the scariest spirit of all...death. But that is no reason to shrink back. God's light consumes it all.

Anyway, there was more to that... but I'll keep going. So, people kept randomly confirming this about me. That I am called to stand against huge armies of death. I may be alone sometimes, but to not be afraid. Literally word after word from the Lord encouraging me.

Then, my church had another speaker come in, Lou Engle, who spoke at The Call when I was there and who is also one of my heroes. I got to speak with him before the service and he asked me to sit next to him. He asked me about myself.. I wanted to share so badly with him what has been going on with me since The Call and how many things were birthed in my heart because of His faithfulness to the Lord. Just a note...Lou has been praying for abortion to end for YEARS and now has a huge calling and anointing to go around the world speaking about it (he was even on CNN). Anyway, I told him about my dream and he stopped me and said, "you know what this means, right? This is your calling in life. God is preparing you for something big, and you need to be prepared for it. It may not happen for years, but it will happen." Then, his wife prayed over my womb, knowing that satan would be after our children because God has called me to this area.

Fast forward to now. Here I am pregnant... amazed at God's goodness, even through battles. He is still stirring my heart to do the things on His heart but I am even more passionate. I can't stop crying this time thinking about it because it hits me on a personal level this time. As I sit here feeling my little boy roll in my belly and kick my ribs, I am amazed at God's creation. Amazed that God has BLESSED me to care for one of His children. This blows me away. Why was THIS child called to me in OUR family. It's a cool thing to think about.

And then I am immediately disturbed at our world. Why would anyone choose to destroy a life? Just because the child cannot speak or fight for itself does not in any means make it ok to kill. Why are people put in jail on two counts of murder when they murder a pregnant woman, but no one says anything to the "doctor" who kills innocent babies every day of their life...knowingly! Why won't people wake up and see what is really taking place here? Why don't people care about the genocide?

These are the thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. What can I DO God??? I feel so worthless... like there is nothing I can do. I literally cry every time I think about it. Even just seeing my baby at 8 weeks... moving around with very visible arms and legs. People, day by day, are ripping apart, limb by limb, babies at 8 weeks.

So, here I sit. Going through all the words people have given me. Going through the dreams that God has let me see. Seeing that this hasn't been an accident. God has been preparing me from a young age to be the voice for a generation that literally has no voice. To represent the scream over the nation that couldn't hear the millions of screams from these babies being murdered. God is slowly, but surely, preparing me. He is letting me become so passionate and so mad at the sin in the world, that I won't be afraid to show it. I won't be afraid to stand up. I won't be afraid to be persecuted for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Here I am saying, "God, do with me what You want. I want to be used by You". Not just when it's convenient for me... but when God says "GO". I don't want to be a selfish person who only looks at MY life and is ok with living for my plans and purposes. I want to be the person who looks continually on God's heart and says, "God, what is making you hurt today?".... and then doing something about it. I want to be a person who is not afraid of people hating me and calling me names. Nothing is worse than what Jesus endured. I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

I challenge you to find that thing that God has drilled into your spirit. I can guarantee, it's at least one thing. It's not something you are passionate about... it is something that God's heart cries out for. Find that thing... pray over it, cry over it, find scripture over it, practice talking to people about it. DO something about it. We were called, as God's people, to live as His hands and feet on this world. How can we expect to do that when we are so consumed with how WE think life should look? Have you ever thought that maybe God doesn't at all see life as Americans view life? Be willing to sacrifice for the gospel.

Will and I moved to Atlanta after a very trying time in Louisiana. We moved here, no job... nothing. Just our faith on the fact that God TOLD us that we needed to be here for this church. We are here, first and foremost, for God. Not a job... not a hobby... not money... for GOD. This season has been the most blessed season of both of our lives because we chose to make that our number one concern.

If you're a believer in Christ, I just ask you to not be afraid to look different. Not be afraid to have people be mad at you. God never promised everyone would love us... actually, just the opposite. Expect the fact that Christians look different, and they should. The moment we start fitting in with the rest of the world is when there is a problem.

Let God burn your heart and let go of your own plans. THIS is when we will truly stand out and separate the darkness from the light. This is when we will see changes and welcome Jesus back in.

Ezekiel 22:30 - ...So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land...

30 Weeks... and counting

I always knew I hated spiders. They have too many legs... and they are always sneaking up on you. It's like, can't you just be walking in plain sight instead of creepily crawling on my face while I'm sleeping?

Well, I have a brand new hatred. A loathing, if you will, of a certain nasty bug. Georgia has TONS of roaches. Even growing up a Florida girl, I don't EVER remember seeing this many roaches. We have already seen a couple in our apartment (especially when it rains) and I am already totally disgusted by them. These aren't just little beetles. These are like what you see in horror films. HUGE. NASTY. BUGS. They're fast too.

Anyway, I just had to start off by saying that. If for some reason I vanish and no one knows where I am, it was probably the army of roaches coming to get me in the night. UGH, it gives me the willies.

SO, now to talk about what I came on here to talk about. I am 30 weeks prego today!! Feels like such a relief to say that I am in the 30s. Crazy, really. It really is the home stretch. And I will be a mom in 10 weeks. YIKES!!!

This is what the little guy is up to these days...

"Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. (Normal adult vision is 20/20.)"

Kinda cool, huh? I think so.

He is moving like crazy lately. Seriously all the time. Maybe he was always moving this much but now he is big enough to notice every single move. My stomach is constantly looking like an alien is trapped inside. Oh, and my ribs and pelvic bone have apparently become really fun to kick and jab. Uncomfortable, but I love it. It always makes me smile. I love that he is getting so big.

As for me, I am officially experiencing things I have never experienced before. My feet and hands are swelling like crazy. My shoes don't fit. Seriously, none. Except my flip flops. So, I had to go out and buy a few. I also can't stand up long because my feet start to throb and swell. I also can barely bend over anymore... which is strange. Will has to buckle a pair of my shoes for me... and I told him that he may have to start clipping my toenails (now, if THAT isn't love, I don't know what is). Sleeping is basically impossible. I think this is God's way of preparing me for sleepless nights... which is why I don't mind it too much. I've found that it's really hard to get comfortable. When I lay on my side (which is the only way I can lay), the baby goes crazy because I'm probably squishing him. So then it's even harder to sleep. Oh the joys.

I do really miss feeling somewhat small. I truly understand why women who are pregnant feel so large. It's not necessarily because of the actual belly. I expected that. It is all the extra bloating and water weight... every part of me looks huge... to me at least. My face looks different to me too. I am also WAY clumsy. Gosh, I don't know what the heck is up...but I've probably broken 5 glasses in the last month or so. This morning, I reach over to grab my orange juice glass in the bathroom and somehow end up throwing it onto the edge of the toilet. Glass, and orange juice, everywhere. Even in the toilet. Will just laughs at me.

BUT, all in all, this whole process is way more than worth it and so enjoyable because I get to help God in a miracle. He gave me this baby and created it... and He is trusting us to bring up one of His children. I feel so honored.

Also, I was talking to a girl at church about childbirth (she just had a baby a few weeks ago). She recommended a certain midwife in downtown Atlanta who delivers at the hospital but also does waterbirth. This would be ideal, in my opinion. Will and I haven't been too extremely excited about the midwife I have now. There's nothing wrong with her... but you still get the feeling that you would have to be defending yourself and fighting the whole time to receive the natural childbirth you want. I have heard lots of good things about this other midwife, so I am really hoping that I can get in to see her. We feel so much more peace about it. We will see :) One cool thing about it is that the labor rooms are all with windows to the downtown skyline. That would be awesome... just a perk I guess. Might as well have something cool to look at while I'm in agonizing pain ;)

Anyway, all is well with us. We are still loving Atlanta and feel like this is the best season of our lives. God has so richly blessed us in every way. We talk about it constantly.

Now, if I can figure out a way to demolish all Georgia roaches, we will be good.

ps. Random thought: if you haven't seen the movie "To Save a Life" yet... it is awesome. A christian movie, and totally the best one I've seen yet. Will liked it too. Go get it... it's in Redbox.